I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
