my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she told me i tasted like america
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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