My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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