Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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