we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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