I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize