i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
