i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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