i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
