I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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