Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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