i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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