Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize