Just mADE A PArabola og urine
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
