You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How does one acquire holy water?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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