Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
