I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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