she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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