So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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