it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
