If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
