i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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