You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
