oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
