you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize