nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
that is very illegal...i love you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
