Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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