I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
