Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
