Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
