Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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