a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
