would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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