i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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