It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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