Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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