I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
