Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize