I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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