Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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