from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it was like having sex with a tree stump
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
