i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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