My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
