Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
