Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
