there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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