Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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