i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
