Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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