It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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