i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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