And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
