the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His nipple licking is glorious
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