It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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