You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
