When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
