I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize