i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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