I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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