I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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