PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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