the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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