yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
