Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
