Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
