Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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